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The Art of Connection

We all want to connect – to be loved, to belong – it is a human need.  But how do we do it?    How do we learn the skills of connection?  It can be especially hard, if we were raised in a culture or family that lacked these skills, didn’t value them, or otherwise failed to share and teach them.  Many of us were raised in a culture of shaming and blaming, and have struggled with the many self-destructive behaviors that follow – addiction, pleasing for approval, perfectionism, low self-worth, etc.   And nowadays, there are multiple ways to overcome these problems   – just look at the success of the self-help and psychology industries.

Well, to the list of practices that help to alleviate this epidemic, I add the practice of Taiji – the Art of Connection.

We have all heard that Taiji (Tai Chi) is for health and balance and is good for older people to practice.  When most people think of Taiji they think of the old folks in the park moving slowly in the solitary form.

So what does this have to do with connection?

One could look at it this way:  The solo form is preparation. It is preparing the self for connection with another.  In the solo form, one practices self-composure – breathing, calming, centering, rooting, feeling, following and directing the flow of energy within one’s own body, while moving in space. Pretty complicated stuff, really – but all things one needs in order to connect with another. In other words, I need to know myself to know another. 

So, in addition to the Taiji solo form that most of us are familiar with,  there are many partner exercises in the traditional Taiji curriculum –

  • the 8 flat-disc method drills (1-8),
  • the four hands study of the square energies of peng, lu, ji, and an, and their various changes,
  • the moving step explorations,
  • the da lu study of the diagonal energies of cai, lie, zhou, and kao, and
  • the culmination of these exercises in the 88-move attack and defend form.

From here, the sky’s the limit, the variations of partner play are infinite. At both the foundation and at the pinnacle of these exercises are the sticking, listening, understanding, and receiving energies. In other words, to do these exercises well you need the energies, and most importantly by practicing these exercises, you develop these energies. It’s a virtuous circle!

It’s a practice of connection. For what is connection with another if not sticking with them, listening to one another, seeking understanding, and being willing to receive the love and friendship we each have to share? Is this not belonging?

Til the next move,

Enjoy your practice.

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Harmonize Inner and Outer

Inner Outer Mutually Harmonize (nei wai xiang he)
Taijiquan trains the shen [spirit]. Therefore it is said, ” the shen is the commander and the body serves as the messenger.” If the shen cane be raised, one’s actions will naturally be light and agile. The outer frame is nothing more than: ’empty, full; open, close.’ What is called ‘opening’ refers not only to the opening of hands and feet; the xin yi (heart; mind, will; intent) simultaneously opens. What is called ‘closing’ means, not only the hands and feet close: the xin yi simultaneously closes. To be able to harmonize inner and outer, thus unifying the qi, this must happen perfectly without gaps.  [this is one of Yang Chengfu’s Ten Important Points for the Practice of Taijiquan with original commentary, translated and interpreted by Sam Masich].

Often in the more advanced class, I will invite students to name a focus for the evening’s practice. Tonight we heard breath, breath and movement, moving from post to post, and the one I chose for myself for tonight – Harmonize Inner and Outer.  After the practice, we reflected on what the form taught us; what we observed or learned from the focus we had chosen. When I ask my practice a question I usually get either a very straight-forward answer that illuminates a whole world, or I get more questions. Tonight, I got more questions.  Harmonize? What exactly is meant by this? Clearly it is different from one must follow the other –  inner doesn’t follow outer, or vice versa – as in a previous point about upper and lower. No, harmonize implies an equality of aspects. Inner and outer must get along, somehow – and perfectly without gaps, no less!

Perhaps to harmonize is to unify. Doug Wile’s translation in Tai Chi Touchstones: Yang Family Secret Transmissions is ” The Unity of Internal and External.” He translates the previous point not as Upper and Lower Mutually Follow, but as Unity of the Upper and Lower Body. His consistent use of ‘unity’ seems to slide over some important nuance in the different meanings. But, it is nonetheless helpful to me to consider the notion of unifying as part of understanding harmonizing. Like the yin/yang symbol – the ultimate symbol really of harmony of opposites -contained within a unifying circle. The harmony creates unity.

And that is what I am looking for……ultimately. Unity or harmony of head and heart, spirit and body. I’d like to feel that my insides match my outsides; that if I seem cool and collected, kind and thoughtful on the outside, that I truly feel those things on the inside. Similarly, that if I feel disturbed, or upset on the inside, that I can appropriately express those feelings on the outside.  Like everything in tai chi, it is more likely a matter of doing less, than doing anything new and special. Just tune in and stop hindering my expression, and also notice that when all is well ‘out there’ go ahead and just let myself enjoy a little easy all is well in here, too.

Til the next move,

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We Did It, All By Ourselves!

I had one of those moments the other day in practice, when my arms and legs just seemed to know what they were doing, and they just did it in the most easy and perfect manner.

Daodejing

And it reminded me of  chapter 17 from the Dao De Jing (Tao Te Ching).

“When the master governs, the people are hardly aware that he exists……The master doesn’t talk, she acts. When his work is done, the people say, ‘Amazing, we did it, all by ourselves!’”  ( Stephen Mitchell, translator)

The Dao De Jing (Tao Te Ching) is a guide for both the microcosm and the macrocosm, seeing how it is in heaven and earth, describing principles of governance for political systems, we can see this also applies to human social activity, and even to the activity within each of our own bodies.

Regarding my body’s movement in the taiji form, if I replace ‘master’ with ‘mind’ and ‘people’ with ‘limbs’, this is the feeling I had moving in the form. If the arms and legs could speak, they might’ve said , ”Amazing, we did it, all by ourselves!”

Let the mind reside in dantien

We learn the choreography of the form, so that the deeper taiji lessons can be practiced. One of these deeper lessons involves teaching the heart-mind, the Yi, to govern with less effort, to act and not talk, to reside in stillness, at center. The mind must learn to let the limbs move according to their inherent structure, in accord with the shape and function of the joints, muscles, sinews and tendons of the limbs themselves, without hindrance from the mind’s ideas.

Wu Wei

The mind’s job is to lead without leading; wu wei.  Wu wei refers to the Daoist notion of ‘doing without doing” or “non-action action” Wu wei refers to the state of being in which our actions are effortlessly in alignment with the ebb and flow of the elemental cycles of the natural world. This alignment allows us – without even trying – to respond perfectly to whatever situations arise.

In this case, it is natural for the heart-mind to lead the body, and so it must be the organizing force around which the limbs coordinate.  The mind must hold the shape of the form, but it must back off, and let the body express the form according to the natural tendencies and structures of the body.

At least that is what it felt like for a moment or two.

Til the Next Move, enjoy your practice –

Dorian

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The Taiji Circle

The Taiji Circle is such a great graphic!

In one elegant and simple design it conveys so much meaning.  A circle with an S curving through the middle, one half white, the other half black, and each side with a dot of the other side’s color in it.

Seems no matter how long this symbol has been a part of my life, the meaning to which it points goes ever deeper.   The symbol refers to the yin-yang philosophy that the dualistic nature of all that we see in the world can be understood not as mutually exclusive contrary opposites, but as complementary to, arising from and dissolving back and forth into each other.  Night becomes day, summer becomes winter, etc.

Qualities, not Things

Yin and yang are qualities, or aspects of things, they don’t exist on their own.  No thing that exists, exists in isolation or absolutely.  And therefore, no one thing is yin, and no one thing is yang – but everything may be yin or yang relative to something else.   And the same thing maybe yin in one regard and yang in another regard, relative to a single other thing. It’s just not as simple as black and white.

No Conflict

Seems to me the human challenge is to recognize the harmony among the opposites. Black and white relate to one another, and black and white have the seed of their opposite within.  I find this incredibly valuable to remember – especially when I am in what feels like conflict with someone else.  Whatever I feel is in opposition, I first notice the seed of that in me, in my position, and then I remember that my position exists in relation to theirs – this gives me the ability to accept their position, without abandoning my own and points the way toward some resolution reflected in the greater whole.

The Whole

Right! The greater whole – the circle in which all this dualistic interplay is happening. For ultimately, there is something which cannot be talked about or described, because it is not subject to the yin and yang of life, but encompasses them both.  For me, this is where blogging stops and the practice of taiji begins. Moving through 108 moves of my taiji form, I feel the harmonious interplay of all the seemingly opposing forces – up and down, advance and retreat, form and emptiness, mind and body, and on and on and on…..

Til the next move, enjoy your practice

Dorian